How to Talk to Your Loved Ones About Death, Money, and Estate Planning Over the Holidays

Nobody wants to think about who'll raise their kids if they're gone—but avoiding it won't make your kids safer. Estate planning attorney Tom Misteli breaks down how to choose guardians without spiraling into existential dread.

If you’re married and live in Texas, you’ve probably heard the term “community property” before. But what does it actually mean when it comes to your estate plan—and your legacy? Here at Misteli Law, I typically speak with couples who think everything will go to their spouse or kids automatically. But in Texas, what’s "yours, mine, and ours" can get complicated without a proper plan. Let’s break down what community property means in Texas, how it affects your estate, and what you can do to make sure your wishes—and your loved ones—are protected.

Four out of five people know they should talk to their loved ones about aging, death, and what comes after. Yet only one in three has actually had that conversation. Estate and long-term care planning is a must-have conversation with aging parents who live in Texas.

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The Importance of Regular Plan Reviews for Texas Families.

Let’s talk about something that makes a lot of folks uncomfortable: estate planning. If you’re like most people I talk to here in Texas, you might think of an estate plan as something you’ll get around to “someday”—when you’re older, wealthier, or have more time. Or maybe you’re worried it’s too expensive to deal with right now. But here’s the truth: the cost of not having an estate plan is often far greater—financially, emotionally, and legally—than the cost of getting one done right. Today, I want to walk you through what can actually happen when someone passes away without a solid plan in place. And spoiler alert: it’s not just about money. It’s about peace of mind, family unity, and protecting the people you love. What Happens If You Die Without an Estate Plan in Texas? Let’s start with the basics. If you pass away in Texas without a will or trust, the state says you’ve died “intestate.” That m eans Texas law decides: Who gets your property When they get it And how it’s divided up You may think that sounds fair—until you realize how rigid and impersonal those laws are. For example: If you’re married and have children from a previous relationship, your spouse may only receive part of your estate. If you’re unmarried with no kids, your assets could go to estranged relatives you haven’t spoken to in years. If you have minor children and no guardian named, the court decides who raises them. That’s what can happen when you don’t make the choices in advance. The Financial Cost of Dying Without a Plan You might be trying to save money by avoiding an estate plan—but here’s the kicker: your loved ones could end up paying far more in the long run. Let’s break it down: 1. Court and Probate Fees Without a w ill or trust, your estate will almost certainly go through probate—a court-supervised process for distributing assets. Probate isn’t quick, and it’s rarely cheap. In fact, probate fees (court costs, attorney fees, executor fees, and more) can eat up thousands of dollars—especially if there are disputes or delays. In some cases, it can take a year or more before your family sees a penny. And they may have to pay out of pocket to keep things moving. 2. Family Conflicts and Legal Battles Nothing drives a wedge between siblings faster than a fight over who gets what. I’ve seen families torn apart because someone died without a clear plan. Even if you “think they’ll work it out,” emotions run high after a loss. If the instructions aren’t spelled out, it opens the door for: Will contests Accusations of favoritism Disputes over sentimental items Long, expensive legal battles And sadly, it’s often the families with the least to fight over who end up in the biggest mess. 3. Tax Issues and Missed Opportunities Texas doesn’t have a state estate tax—but federal estate tax and income tax implications still exist , especially for larger estates or those with real estate, retirement accounts, or business assets. Without planning, your family might miss out on: Spousal tax exemptions Step-up in basis for capital gains Strategic gifting or charitable giving options A well-designed estate plan can reduce or eliminate these tax hits—but if you haven’t planned ahead, there’s not much they can do after the fact. The Emotional Cost: Stress, Uncertainty, and Lost Peace You know what people rarely talk about when they skip estate planning? The emotional toll it takes on the people left behind. Let’s say you pass suddenly and don’t have a will. Your spouse or kids are grieving—and now they also have to: Hire a lawyer Figure out how to pay bills Track down paperwork Guess what your wishes might have been That uncertainty leads to stress, second-guessing, and even resentment. I’ve seen surviving spouses panic because they didn’t know how to access a bank account. I’ve watched adult children argue over who mom “would’ve wanted” to get the house. And I’ve seen it happen to good families—just like yours. An estate plan doesn’t just distribute property. It gives your loved ones something money can’t buy: clarity. What If You Have Kids? The Stakes Are Even Higher If you have young children, not having an estate plan can create chaos.Here’s what’s at risk: The court decides who raises your children if you and your spouse both pass. (And it may not be who you’d choose.) Your kids may receive their inheritance outright at age 18 —with no guidance or safeguards. Without a trust or guardian in place, the court could control their finances until they’re adults—and charge fees for managing it. You’ve spent your life protecting and providing for your children. An estate plan is how you keep doing that—even if you’re not around. What I Tell Families Every Week Look, I get it, estate planning isn’t the most exciting thing on your to-do list. It feels heavy, and it’s easy to put off. But here’s what I tell my clients every week: “You can pay a little now to make a plan—or your family can pay a lot later to clean up the mess.” I’ve seen both outcomes. And trust me, peace of mind is a whole lot cheaper.

A power of attorney (POA) is a legal document that grants someone you trust the authority to act on your behalf when you cannot. But calling it "just a document" undersells its importance—a properly drafted power of attorney can be the difference between your family maintaining stability during a crisis or facing months of legal complications.

Blended families face unique estate planning challenges. Learn how to protect children from a previous marriage, plan for second spouses, and avoid inheritance disputes in Texas.

I'm not a parent, but I've worked with hundreds of them, so I know you’ve probably spent more than a few sleepless nights thinking about your kids. Are they safe? Are they healthy? Are they making smart choices? And—if we’re being really honest—what happens to them if I’m not around to guide them anymore? One question I hear a lot from parents at my law office here in Texas is this: “How do I make sure my kids don’t lose their inheritance—or blow it?” It’s a fair concern. The truth is, even a generous inheritance can vanish fast without a good plan. Creditors, divorces, bad spending habits, and family drama can all eat away at what you’ve worked so hard to build. But the good news? With the right estate planning strategies, you can protect your children’s inheritance—and give them the best shot at a secure future. Let’s review the biggest financial risks, and then I’ll share how you can create a rock-solid plan to protect your legacy. Protect your child's inheritance from financial risks